Two neurotics, working for a suicide hotline on the night of Christmas Eve, get caught up in a catastrophe when a pregnant woman, her abusive boyfriend, and a transvestite visit their office.

Chronic serial womanizer Stephane Margelle drops his wife Sophie off at the airport so she can go away for Easter weekend. He immediately picks up beautiful young Julie, who has just had a fight with her married boyfriend. He gets her back to his apartment and is preparing for a sexy weekend, when his wife suddenly returns home. He makes up a bizarre, on-the-spot, spur-of-the-moment story that the gorgeous girl is actually his long-lost daughter. Julie plays along, but this leads to a whole series of increasingly ridiculous lies and comical situations (such as when her real mother shows up).

A clique of four young teachers at a high school looks critically at their colleagues. To avoid falling in the same routine, they bring new ideas into the school lessons and play little games and pranks in their spare time -- sometimes get even more childish than their pupils. When they get opposition from the other teachers, they play tricks to get rid of them.

April 5, 1943: a battalion of the Foreign Legion arrives in El Ksour, Tunisia, to escort a fortune in gold bars to the home front. A German ambush awaits, and all but four die. Thanks to the street smarts of Sergeant Augagneur, the Legionnaires successfully counter attack. The bank manager and his seductive wife arrive, and so does a German lieutenant, whom the French arrest. Augagneur wants to steal the gold; warrant officer Mahuzard wants to do his duty. A series of alliances form and break apart, the group dwindles in number, and the gold heads south toward Betahoua. But in whose possession?

In Paris , Commissioner Stan Jalard and Inspector Simon Lecache plan to quit the police to go and enjoy a more peaceful life in the West Indies. In a nightclub, during a routine visit, they spot Schneider, a dreaded gangster and public enemy. At the time of his arrest, Simon is killed at close range by the criminal. Stan then decides to stay in the police to avenge Simon. Being the godfather of Christian, Simon's son, who sometimes lives in a boarding school, sometimes at home, he takes charge of his education. Two years later, Stan has been promoted, and he's told that Schneider had resurfaced in the capital. A long hunt begins.

Fush and Ballestrat are the heads of each department of the French police. Both have the task of combating serious crime and cleaning up the underworld.

Sleight of hand magician Ricky Jay blends light comedy and close-up magic to entertain a live audience. He discusses everything from the birth of the classic cup and balls trick to 14th century poetry.

French secret service agent Josselin Beaumont is dispatched to take down African warlord N'Jala. But when his assignment is canceled, he's shocked to learn that his government is surrendering him to local authorities. He is given a mock trial and sentenced to 20 years of hard labor. But Beaumont escapes from prison and vows not only to avenge himself against his betrayers but also to finish his original assignment.

Two buddy farmers are visited by aliens who like their domestic cabbage soup.